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If you're in my office, it's already too late : a divorce lawyer's guide to staying together / James J. Sexton, Esq.

by Sexton, James J.

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Henry Holt and Company, 2018.

Communication in marriage.

Conflict management.

Interpersonal conflict.

9781250130778 (hc.)

Alternate title:

If you are in my office, it is already too late

xix, 262 p. : 25 cm.

Introduction: Take the path they didn't -- What is the problem to which marriage is the solution? -- Storytelling: There's an arc there, somewhere -- Hit send now -- You can be right or you can be happy -- Expectation vs. reality -- Tight grips and loose arms -- Reading minds and accepting appearances -- Everyone's fucking the nanny -- Gratuitous time-out: and yes, I meant everyone is fucking the nanny -- Married people: pretend you're not -- Go without or go elsewhere -- Did you spend more time shopping for your car or for your spouse? -- Actually, past performance is indicative of future results -- The five kinds of infidelity -- Infidelity type #3: the mistake -- It's so much easier to change the other person -- Gratuitous time-out: Lie to me; everybody else does -- The you, the me, and the we -- If we were designing an infidelity-generating machine, it would be Facebook -- One of the pillars of marriage is sex -- We know what we know until we may not want to know it -- Gratuitous time-out: I love my job, except for when I hate it -- You never go to bed with just one person -- Divide and conquer -- what you're getting and what you're giving -- The myth of the perfect parent -- You divorce who you married -- Gratuitous time-out: The case of the shrinking penis -- Know yourself -- Intimacy weaponized, Part I -- Intimacy weaponized, Part II: Cross-examination -- Argue better -- Gut, heart, and head -- The author of your story -- Who are you? -- Gratuitous time-out: How not to let yourself be cross-examined -- Write a letter -- Yours, mine, and ours: the financial system that works best -- Design, not default -- Acceptance: You have to love the bad parts, too -- The secret that shouldn't be a secret: just give a shit -- Afterword: Cannibals.

"If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late. James Sexton knows this. After dealing with more than a thousand clients whose marriages have dissolved over everything from an ill-advised threesome with the nanny to the uneven division of carpool duties, he also knows all of the what-not-to-dos for couples who want to build--and consistently work to preserve--a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Described by former clients as a "courtroom gunslinger" and "the sociopath you want on your side," Sexton tells the unvarnished truth about relationships, diving straight into the most common marital problems. These usually derive from dishonest--or nonexistent--communication. Even when the alleged reason for separation is one spouse's new "personal trainer," there's likely a communication problem that predates the fitness kick. Symptom and root cause get confused all the time. Sexton has spent his career working with spouses-to-be-no-longer. Reverse engineering a relationship can help to identify and fix what does not work. Ever feel like you're holding back criticism of your spouse because you just can't have that fight right now? Sexton will tell you to "Hit Send Now." Maybe you aren't as adventurous as you used to be, or need some "you time," but for some reason it seems weird or exhausting to change up the routine now. Sexton knows where that mentality leads and offers viable alternative paths to take. Though he deals constantly with the heartbreak of others, he still believes in romance and the transformative power of love. This book is his opportunity to use what he has learned to help couples that aren't so far gone get back on track."--Page [4] of cover.

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