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Red flags : how to spot frenemies, underminers, and toxic people in your life / Wendy L. Patrick.

by Patrick, Wendy L., 1968-

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St. Martin's Press, 2015.

Physical-appearance-based bias.

Interpersonal relations -- Psychological aspects.

Interpersonal attraction -- Psychological aspects.

Deception -- Psychological aspects.

Influence (Psychology)

9781250052926 (hc.)

viii, 306 pages ; 25 cm

Includes bibliographical references (pages [273]-290) and index.

Introduction: Why bad looks good -- Reading red flags : four ways to separate the dangerous from the desirable -- The optics of illusion : the power of attraction -- Follow the leader : the attraction of power -- Perceiving is believing : the comfort of credibility -- Suddenly smitten : the pleasure of positive attention -- The not-so-secret admirer : the allure of affirmation -- Born to bond : the seduction of similarity -- The ax murderer next door : familiarity breeds contentment -- Craving excitement : the call of the wild -- Forbidden fruit : the temptation of taboo -- Seeking the wolf : when dangerous is desirable -- Green lights : when appearances are reality -- Reaching a verdict : a life well perceived.

"We all need emotional blinders: the etiquette that keeps society smoothly moving depends on it. But when you absolutely must rely on another person, you have to be able to assess them objectively. Simple strategies anyone can use to spot deceptive or downright dangerous people who use ingratiation and social convention to draw in and lull victims. Learn how even the most skeptical of us use rose-colored lenses on those around us. Blinded by Desire: from the alluring lenses of attraction and positive attention to the blindness of marital "bliss" and the distorted lens of delusion.Overlooking Red Flags in a Professional Setting: how reassuring proximity and the false security of credibility and similarity can lead to costly mistakes.Be Afraid of What You Can't See: the ultimate cost of wearing emotional blinders around the truly disturbed/criminal, from sexual predation to domestic abuse, stalking and cyberstalking. Learn how to: Avoid selective attention. Observe people over time (bad guys rely on first impressions). Ask questions: most people's favorite topic is themselves. Cybersleuth to verify information and track down inconsistencies. Wendy Patrick is a Deputy District Attorney and team leader in the Sex Crimes and Stalking Division of the San Diego County District Attorney's Office.

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